I Kill, Therefore I Am

By Clarissa Sofian

florida school shooting.jpg

I killed someone. Do I regret it? No. I am a monster.

1619–1865, I dehumanized 10.7 million and placed them in bondage.

So did you.

2011, I preyed upon children and delighted in their screams—Music to my ears.

Humans enjoyed it too.

On Feb 14, 2018, Douglas High School, we stood loftily at the parade of fleeing students and placed an end to their misery.

Humanity did too.

When humans are granted freedom to kill, monsters emerge. Ultimately, you can execute background checks, you can restrict guns, but you cannot restrict me. Cain killed Abel with a stone. It is the problem of the heart, not the gun. Give humans an instrument of death, let rules fly out the window and you have the most intelligent monsters crafted by Nature—humans, who brandished their true selves—The Monster.

A prison experiment at Stanford randomly assigned students to roleplay guards and prisoners without rules and punishments. Disturbingly, the same benevolent students became sadist who stripped and assaulted their prisoners.

What stops humans from abusing another? Our fear of punishment.

The fine line between you and I is your undeniable fear of punishment; your monster is caged while displaying a veneer of civility. I feed on fear. Don’t worry, I’ll exterminate these pests.

My accomplice, Nikolas Cruz tossed out 17 lives. Why? His adoptive dad died in 2004. Consequently, he started shooting chickens with a BB gun; his behavior was acknowledged and dismissed. Three months before the attack, a mere four people attended his mother’s funeral. As such, Cruz rationalized that “nobody cares”. Instantaneously, a report of Cruz attaining a supply of ammo arrived to the police; no one investigated. Cruz received the message—no one cared enough to implement rules.  

Who could possibly shape such a monster?  

“We improved from our savage self.” They assured.

“Everyone is respected.” Humans guaranteed.

“We care.” Humanity promised.

Precisely, it is especially seen by the rising homicide rates. So much for improvement and respect. Humanity took a colossal step—in the wrong direction. However, it simply isn’t their fault; humans in a degrading society have to become monsters–especially if they are disregarded and ignored.

Ignorance is bliss. Humans ignore the cold bare truths and fawn over entrancing lies. For those who believe I was born to bring havoc, I apprise that monsters are made, not born. Psychologist David Rand examined the relationship between our impulses—greed and kindness—predominating our lifestyle through “Prisoner’s Dilemma. In all 834 experiments, faster reactions were predisposed to kindness while slower reactions were predisposed to greed. Consequently, human impulse is moral, only to be ignored and neglected. Don’t fear the monster in front of you, fear the ignorance that created it. Humanity opened Pandora’s box and planted the seeds for deadly sins, corrupting human morals.

What grew from those seeds? Me.

As such, for the times someone ignored me whilst I displayed telltale signs of losing my sanity, thank you. For the times I was blatantly ignored, I commend you. For the times you used me, I applaud you.  

I sincerely thank you.

Thank you for letting me play, thank you for unleashing me, thank you for not caring enough to implement rules. Look what I achieved! So, until society can pay attention, I’ll continue with my fun job.

Ignorance. Hatred. Neglect. Humanity could prevent me with an ounce of benevolence and observance, yet they create more. The root of the problem is not me, it’s your ignorance. Want to eradicate me? Have awareness and care for others. Simple as that. All it takes is a single act of benevolence or awareness to bring back my morality, but all I receive is salt rubbed into the wound. Just understand my current situation and show me compassion. Simple as that.

You ignore, therefore I exist.

I exist, therefore I kill.

I kill, therefore I am.

Simple as that.
Works Cited

  1. Fausset, Richard, and Serge F. Kovaleski. “Nikolas Cruz, Florida Shooting Suspect, Showed ‘Every Red Flag’.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 15 Feb. 2018, http://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/15/us/nikolas-cruz-florida-shooting.html.
  2. Jr., Henry Louis Gates. “How Many Slaves Landed in the US?” The Root, 6 Jan. 2014, http://www.theroot.com/how-many-slaves-landed-in-the-us-1790873989.
  3. Levenson, Eric. “These Are the Victims of the Florida School Shooting.” CNN, Cable News Network, 21 Feb. 2018, edition.cnn.com/2018/02/15/us/florida-shooting-victims-school/index.html.
  4. University, Stanford. “Home.” Stanford Prison Experiment, Stanford University, http://www.prisonexp.org/.
  5. Ward, Adrian F. “Scientists Probe Human Nature–and Discover We Are Good, After All.” Scientific American, Scientific American, 20 Nov. 2012, http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/scientists-probe-human-nature-and-discover-we-are-good-after-all/.

2 thoughts on “I Kill, Therefore I Am

  1. Asan

    Well written. We all can share a warm heart to the people around us that are neglected and need the attention. Yes, an ounce of benevolence will help. We don’t have control on the degrading society, but we have control how we react to this.

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